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Some of us might have wondered at some point in our lives that “Even though I am one of the most caring and kindest souls in the world, why am I not having any close friends?.” We might be spending a lot of our precious time for others, taking care of their needs even at the cost of our own emotional wellbeing and even go to great lengths to avoid saying no. Even after doing all these, at the end of the day, when we crave for an intimate space to become truly vulnerable, we feel helpless. Something is not in alignment here. Let’s explore what it is and understand how to correct this issue.

Why Nice People Don’t Have Close Friends
When we go to great lengths to take care of others and avoid saying no, we are abandoning something that is most precious. This most important element is what keeps us balanced and self-sufficient. It is our authenticity.

As human beings, we all have our own needs that require fulfilment. For some it could be taking some time out from the constant chatter of the outside world into a quiet space and for others it could be a few moments spent with their loved ones. When we abandon these needs entirely for others, our emotional core will remain vacant. We cannot please or take care of everyone in this world. It is not our duty either.

Hence, when we become truly authentic and communicate our needs directly, the true friends, who really care about us will understand and will stay with us forever. Those self-centred individuals who cannot accept you as who you are will leave. Of course, you might feel some abandonment anxiety when they leave. However, it is good that they are leaving and your authenticity and true self is more important than anything else in this world.

How to be Authentic
Our bodies are the systems that carry us throughout our lives. It is what we look at and say this is 'who I am' or who you are. Thus, becoming authentic has to start with connecting with yourself deeply and that translates to connecting with your body. Your body has its authentic instinctive or gut feelings. When we constantly suppress these intuitions, we start losing connection with ourselves.

Now, the key is to start feeling what your body has to say. Start with doing some meditation everyday. This will allow your mind to calm down and will provide the space for your gut feelings to rise into the level of consciousness. To reconnect strongly with your body, you can start mindfulness techniques such as yoga or tai chi. These practices are known as movi ng meditations and you will be able to feel the messages from your body profoundly. Continue practising daily for at least a month and you will start experiencing the difference.

Authenticity & Social Connections
As you are becoming authentic, you will start feeling anger when someone breaks your boundaries. The key is to feel those emotions and express it directly. This is who you are and these messages are coming from the depth of your soul. Don’t let go of your inner truth at any cost.

As your friends and those around you begin to understand your authentic nature, the genuine ones, the ones who truly cares about you will stay. Let go of others. The true souls will always be there with you.

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Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

When should you let a friendship go?
When your friendship doesn't provide encouragement and lose its boundaries, let go.

What does a lack of friends indicate?
A lot of us have periods in our life when we lack friends. By going out there and engaging in social activities, we can develop strong friendships. Also, always remain authentic.

How to identify a fake friendship?
One-sided communication, jealousy, inconsistent support such as absence during tough times and disinterest in your life etc are signs of a fake friendship.