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Was there ever a more self-interested, self-aggrandising pair than Meghan Markle and Harry Windsor - the newly crowned Duke and Duchess of the Dollar - who this week embarked on what can only be described as a cash grab tour of Australia? As one Sydney newspaper put it: "They want to use Australia as an ATM." Yes, they do. But what really grates is their hypocrisy in trying to hide the fact they're grifters by pretending to be bleeding heart, do-gooders on a mission to save the world.

One of the first things they did on arriving in Oz - before the cash grab began - was meet a group of youngsters with mental health issues and then proceeded to tell them how terrible THEIR pampered lives had been and how the world has been so horribly cruel to them.

Instead of listening to youngsters with real problems, Meghan decided to offload hers and told them that for ten years she'd been "THE most trolled person in the entire world", which of course she can't prove and which isn't true as I suspect Donald Trump beats her hands down. "I've been bullied and attacked every day for ten years," she whined to those young Aussies. What the hell was she doing - trying to compete with them saying "Whatever you think you're going through - I've had it worse."

Or was she just doing what she always does - seeing the world through the prism of her own ego and victimhood.

And of course, the Manchild Harry had to get in on the "Woe is Me "act telling these young people: "I waited until I was literally in the foetal position, lying on the kitchen floor until I was like OK, maybe I should try this therapy thing." My God - can't they stop talking about themselves even for a minute? They're faced with seriously troubled youngsters and it's still all me, me, me.

Their whole pampered lives are built around victimhood and the injustice they believe has been heaped on them. And they don't just revel in that they knowingly monetise it whilst simultaneously using it to garner sympathy, so they look like "brave survivors" - not the money grubbers they are.

I'm betting Meghan's proud of being the world's most trolled person because it gives her status and she can say: "It's been hellish for me - but, hey, I'm a survivor." And that narrative plays well when they're trying to sell themselves.

Which is precisely what they're doing in Australia. They know they're a busted flush in the US, so they've dragged the Harry and Megan Compassion Bandwagon to a different continent to make some dosh.

In fact, they're doing exactly what the late Queen Elizabeth feared they would - milking their royal status for commercial gain. To that end, Meghan has signed up to be a guest judge on MasterChef Australia. She's flogging £1,400-a-head talks about wellness and personal growth (yawn) which aren't selling out as fast as she'd hoped.

And she's frantically pushing her As Ever line. Even worse, she's selling the (horribly drab) clothes off her back via a new AI fashion portal she's invested in. Of course, her people are trying to downplay the cash she's making claiming she's doing it mainly to showcase her favourite fashion designers. Yeah. Right!

Harry and Meghan have confirmed everything the late Queen knew would happen if she allowed them the half-in, half-out arrangement they wanted. She sussed Meghan was never going to be a dutiful royal wife who stuck to the rules.

And she sensed she'd exploit her title. That said, Meghan and Harry now have exactly what they wanted - they present themselves as royals, they demand to be treated as such, they stage faux royal tours, and they shamelessly cash it on their titles. They've got it all - except respect and their reputations.

Still on the Aussie tour, Harry said he wanted to be a better Father to his kids than Charles had been to him. How crass, how cruel, how utterly insensitive!

Charles brought Harry and Wills up as a single parent and (unlike Harry) he had an all-consuming, full-time job as the heir apparent who was also trying to deal with the gaping hole that Diana's death had left in their son's lives. Harry had no such pressures. In fact, he said that just the prospect of becoming a dad severely affected his mental health. Thank God King Charles was stronger than that!

Harry doesn't have a job. He's not a single parent. And it's time he realised that being a good dad means you stop obsessing about yourself and put your child's needs, health and well-being above your own!