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I need genuine suggestions, please be kind.

I got married 2 years ago. It was a completely arranged marriage. I am a doctor and run my own clinic, while my husband is not highly educated and has done short courses. Our families knew each other, and everyone pressured me into this marriage, saying he was a very decent person, financially stable, had his own business, and would never stop me from working. We belong to the same caste and are distant relatives.

At that time, I was 30 years old, living in the city, while he lived in a rural area in our hometown with his family. I was not willing to marry, but I eventually agreed due to family pressure and because our conversations before marriage made me think things might work out.

After marriage, I became pregnant. A year later, he decided to move to the city, which made me genuinely happy. He started a business here. Until my delivery, everything seemed fine.

But after having my baby, things started affecting me mentally and emotionally. I manage my clinic, take care of the baby, and handle most responsibilities myself. He helps sometimes, like taking the baby to the park occasionally, but overall I feel most of the parenting and household responsibilities are on me. Currently, we live with my parents in the city.

Earlier, he was more involved with the baby, but now I feel he is slowly stepping back. Our baby is very attached to him, though.

When we visit my in-laws, I sometimes hear indirect comments like, “The baby looks weak, maybe the mother is not feeding properly.” I usually ignore such remarks to avoid conflict.

The biggest issue is communication. Whenever we argue, he never comes to resolve things. I am always the one who ends up making peace and restarting the conversation. Sometimes he ignores me for 2–3 days, waiting for me to fix things.

Financially, things are also difficult. Since his business is new, I mostly manage my own expenses. But I notice that if his family needs money, he somehow arranges it immediately. If I ask for something, the response is usually, “I’ll manage it,” but nothing really happens.

What hurts more is the lack of support at home. He sees me managing work, the baby, and everything else, but rarely helps. Mostly he stays on his phone or watches TV. Even simple things like cleaning up after himself are not done. Ironically, at his family home, he helps his mother and younger sister and keeps things organized, but here he barely does anything.

During postpartum, I even had two seizure attacks, and my doctor advised me to avoid stress. But honestly, how can I reduce stress when I feel so overwhelmed?

He has never given me even a small gift. Whenever we visit his hometown, we always take gifts for his family, so he knows the importance of such gestures. I am not comparing, but it hurts that he has never even brought me something small like flowers or chocolates. It’s not about money—it’s about feeling valued.

Sometimes people think he helps a lot because he occasionally takes the baby out or feeds the baby, but parenting should be shared. Why is everything seen as only the mother’s responsibility?

Lately, I feel emotionally exhausted and stuck. I cry often and wonder if this is the life I am supposed to accept. Am I overreacting or expecting too much, or are my concerns valid? How should I handle this situation in a mature way?

Please give sincere advice.

Solutions; Awais Chaudhary

Unfortunately, he will not change his bad habits. You must stay strong and focus on your child and your education. Overthinking the same scenario will damage your mental health and peace of mind. Just let it go and try to find ways to create happiness on your own.

Nasir Khan

Your partner is useless. So leave him and move on. You can do all of this alone anyway. At least you will have mental peace. Also look at your parents and see if this is the person you chose for your life. If you had used your mind at that time, all of this would not have happened.

Behind Fatima

After reading your post, I felt very sad. First of all, please understand that you are not overreacting at all; your feelings and exhaustion are completely valid. As a doctor and working mother, the burden on you is understandable.

Perhaps it is time for you to have a clear and firm conversation with your husband instead of being emotional. Explain to him how important your health and mental peace are, and that the responsibility of the home and child is not yours alone but belongs to both of you.

Try to involve a mature and wise person to help both of you sit together and discuss your issues. For the sake of your health and your child, you need to strongly maintain your stance. May Allah make things easier for you and give you strength. Ameen.

Bite Hawa

It’s the story of 99% of women. Try to explain things in a loving and polite way. With time, everything becomes okay. Don’t jump to conclusions. Don’t go for useless suggestions or sympathy. No one is sincere except a mahram.

The story is taken from DHA Ladies official group from Facebook and has more than 143k followers.

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