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I hope people here can guide me. I am a married woman and a professional. I am facing a problem. I am married to a man and have a 1.5-year-old child with him.

The issue is that he has always been emotionally unavailable. When you are earning, you may not need a husband for money, but you still need someone to talk to when you are sad, and he is very bad at that.

He does not allow me to do house chores. Even if I try to cook or do anything, he comes and says I cannot cook properly, I am bad at it, and I should not waste food.

When it comes to intimacy, he does not sleep with me. He sleeps in another room because he says he has to wake up early. But when he needs intimacy, he comes to me without any concern for how I feel.

Regarding expenses, I handle most of my own expenses and more than half of my baby’s expenses.

A few months ago, we had a fight where I threw a bottle at him and he slapped me. Later, when I asked him about it, he denied it and said it was not a real slap and that I do not understand how men actually slap women.

I believed him and thought maybe I was exaggerating.

But recently, I called him selfish and he started hitting me. He hit me four times. Later, when I told him it was domestic abuse, he said it was not abuse and that he could tell me what abuse is. He even said he can show me videos of how men abuse women.

He does not like me making female friends or interacting with his family. He tells me to show attitude to people because I am a professional woman.

If I try to talk to my family about it, he snatches my phone away. Today, he threatened that he would break my head with the same phone.

I am very confused. Is this abuse? Am I wrong? Was it my mistake because I called him selfish and triggered him? Why am I in this marriage—just for my baby?

My sister says divorced women have a very bad future in Pakistan, so divorce is not an option here. I am very scared.

Solutions; Rao Saleem

You are not wrong for feeling hurt and confused. From what you have described, being hit, threatened, having your phone taken away, being isolated from family, and having your feelings dismissed are all serious concerns. Calling someone “selfish” does not justify violence. A husband is responsible for controlling his anger, just as a wife is responsible for her words.

In Islam, marriage is meant to be based on mercy, kindness, and respect. Allah says that spouses are a source of tranquility for one another. Physical violence, threats, humiliation, and denying a spouse emotional support go against these values.

For your safety, please do not ignore the threats. Reach out to trusted family members, elders, or a qualified Islamic scholar who can help assess the situation and mediate if possible. Keep support around you and do not suffer in silence.

Irtiza Bilal

Yes, this is abuse. Emotional neglect, controlling behavior, taking away your phone, threats, and physical violence are all forms of abuse. Calling him selfish did not justify being hit.

Instead of focusing on whether you “triggered” him, focus on your safety. Document the incidents, confide in trusted family members, and consider speaking to a counselor or lawyer to understand your options. You do not have to decide on divorce immediately, but you should not ignore the abuse or face it alone.

Usman Mirza

It’s a very serious situation. He is acting a bit unstable. If he misbehaves again, take your son and go to your mother’s home. Let him realize how important you are when you are not around. He will call you—don’t answer. He will message you—don’t reply. Then he will come to visit your mother’s home, and at that point, discuss everything with your family. Fix your terms and then decide whether to return.

May Allah grant you peace. Ameen, sister.

Akhtar Malik

In such circumstances, taking khula is a good option. How can one spend their entire life with a person who has a wicked mindset? You either live a life of comfort and peace of mind, or you live with a mentally disturbed person—the choice is yours.

The story is taken from DHA Ladies official group from Facebook and has more than 144k followers.

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