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We’ve all been there—holding on to someone who has caused us pain. Whether it's a friend who betrayed us, a partner who manipulated us, or a parent who never gave us the love we craved, we sometimes find ourselves tethered to the very people who wounded us. And oddly enough, we keep going back. We scroll through old chats, replay hurtful conversations, and even defend their actions to others.

Why? Why do we cling to what hurts? The Bhagavad Gita, a sacred conversation between Lord Krishna and warrior Arjuna, offers a profound spiritual explanation—one that cuts deeper than psychology and touches the soul.

Let’s explore the Gita’s timeless wisdom to understand why we sometimes can't let go.

1. The Illusion of Attachment (Moha) "Delusion arises from attachment. From delusion, confusion of memory. From confusion of memory, loss of intelligence. From loss of intelligence, one perishes." – Bhagavad Gita 2.63

We hold on because we're attached—not to the person, but to the idea of them. The mind spins stories: "They'll change," "Maybe it was my fault," "But we had good times too." This attachment (moha) creates a fog over our clarity. We confuse temporary comfort with permanent peace, and end up justifying pain as love.

Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting the person—it means seeing through the illusion we built around them.

2. Karma and Unfinished LessonsHave you ever felt magnetically drawn to someone who wasn't good for you? According to the Gita, this isn’t random. The law of karma (action and consequence) plays out not just across lives but across relationships. Some connections bring joy, others bring lessons. And often, pain is the teacher.

Krishna tells Arjuna to act with detachment, focusing on dharma (duty), not results. Similarly, maybe the reason we’re stuck isn't because we're weak—but because there's a soul lesson we haven’t yet completed.

3. Desire Masquerading as Love "Desire and anger are born of passion... They are our enemies." – Bhagavad Gita 3.37

Many of us confuse desire with love. We desire someone’s validation, their affection, or simply their presence. But love in the Gita isn’t needy—it’s selfless, expansive, and liberating. What we call "love" is often our ego’s need to be chosen, to win, or to fix what's broken.

When we mistake ego for love, we become prisoners of expectation. And every unmet expectation deepens the hurt.

4. Fear of Emptiness Why don’t we leave? Because the pain we know is safer than the void we don’t.

The Gita repeatedly emphasizes inner stillness and self-realization. Krishna reminds Arjuna that lasting strength doesn't come from others but from the Self—unchanging, eternal, beyond emotion. But until we find that anchor within, we keep reaching outward—sometimes even toward people who harm us—because silence feels more frightening than suffering.

5. Hope Becomes a Chain Hope is beautiful. But when misplaced, it becomes a chain. “They’ll come around.” “They didn’t mean it.” “If I just love them enough, they’ll change.” The Gita teaches us the importance of discernment (viveka). To act without attachment doesn’t mean to give up hope—but to stop placing your worth in someone else's evolution.

It’s not wrong to hope—but it is painful to hope blindly.

6. The Ego’s Involvement: "But I Gave So Much"“The wise grieve neither for the living nor the dead.” – Bhagavad Gita 2.11

We often hold on because we feel owed. We gave time, emotion, forgiveness—how dare they walk away or mistreat us? The ego wants justice. But the Gita asks us to move from ego to equanimity. To act because it's right, not because it will be returned.

When we release the ego's scorekeeping, we begin to truly heal.

7. Letting Go Is Also a Duty Krishna never tells Arjuna to stop caring. He tells him to fight—not out of hatred, but out of duty, to restore dharma. Similarly, letting go of someone who hurts you doesn’t mean you didn’t love them. It means you chose your path, your peace, your dharma.

Staying in a cycle of hurt not only delays your growth—it distracts you from your purpose. And according to the Gita, purpose is sacred.

Let Go, But Not with Bitterness"Abandon all attachments and take refuge in Me alone." – Bhagavad Gita 18.66

The Gita doesn’t say love less. It says love better—with awareness, with boundaries, with wisdom. It tells us that real peace doesn’t come from being chosen by someone else. It comes from choosing yourself—over and over again.

You don’t have to hate the person who hurt you. You don’t have to erase the past. But you do have to stop bleeding from wounds that will not heal in the hands that caused them.

Letting go isn't about weakness. It's about finally understanding that your soul was never meant to live in chains.

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