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Our moms are truly our first teachers when it comes to certain behaviors and patterns that we exhibit as adults. Most of the time, the things our mothers do for us as children end up becoming part of our routine as we get older. From the way our moms cater to our needs, validate our emotions, and even show us how to care for others, psychology shows there are some things you probably don’t even realize you do because you learned it from your mom.

A lot of these small gestures truly shape the way that we nurture others as well as ourselves, which proves that there are some habits that we unintentionally get from our mothers that stick with us for life.

1. How you talk to yourself

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The way your mother spoke to you as a kid, whether nurturing or critical, shapes how you end up speaking to your inner self. The specific tone and language your mom used with you growing up will reflect your inner dialogue and play a significant role in shaping your self-esteem.

Your mother’s voice ends up becoming the voice in your own head that’ll either soothe you when you might be feeling anxious or encourage you when you’re feeling down. But if your mom had a more negative way of communicating with you, then your inner dialogue may be more harsh towards yourself because you were never shown a healthy way to speak to yourself, especially when you’re struggling. You may not even realize you’re repeating her words until much later in life.

Childhood trauma coach Bethany Webster explained“We are predisposed to unconsciously bond with the voice of our mothers and default back to it, especially in times of stress, in an attempt to feel mothered, safe, and secure. This is the case even if her voice was negative, undermining, or even malevolent.”

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2. How you trust others

The different attachment styles truly affect the relationships you cultivate as an adult. The bond you’ve formed with your mom as a kid usually establishes your attachment style. The first being secure, which is when people tend to have an “honest, open, and equal relationship where both partners can grow and thrive together. They understand how to merge together to form a stable ground,” according to Psychology Today.

The second is anxious-preoccupied, meaning people with this attachment style struggle with insecurities and low self-esteem because they grew up without healthy guidance. The third is dismissive avoidant, and these individuals seek space in relationships by pushing themselves away from being vulnerable with their partner. Finally, the last is fearful avoidant, and people with this attachment style fear being abandoned/struggle with being confident in their partner, or relying on them.

Based on the kind of love that your mom showed you during childhood, you could fall within one of the four different attachment styles. Whether in romantic or platonic relationships, this could determine how you show up for others.

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3. How you manage your emotions

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The way that you handle your emotions often begins with observing your mother. Children often learn how to recognize and manage their emotions primarily from maternal modeling. This process often lays the groundwork for becoming emotionally intelligent and learning how to cope with your feelings.

Waterfront Academy explained the important role mothers play in a child’s emotional development, writing,
“When mothers express understanding and empathy towards their children’s feelings, children learn to treat their own emotions with respect and sensitivity. This nurturing interaction teaches children that their feelings are important and valuable, laying the groundwork for developing empathy towards others.”

If you struggle to validate yourself or are constantly suppressing your emotions, then it’s possible your mom made you believe that your feelings didn’t need to be acknowledged. Now, as an adult, you may struggle with being able to do that for yourself because of how much you’ve been conditioned to ignore the things that you’re feeling.

4. How you navigate relationships

The way your mother gave and received love often lays the foundation for the kinds of things that you decide to put up with from a potential partner as an adult. Whether it was unhealthy or healthy, it’ll become the baseline of love and connections. It can truly affect who you choose, how you act, and what you are willing to tolerate when it comes to romantic partnerships.

“Tracing adult relationships back to the home may not always follow a direct line. However, knowing where you came from can provide important insight to understanding where you are now, and how much your care and concern for others stems from these early origins,” explained psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne.

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Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.