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Parenting isn’t easy. Some even call it the hardest job in the world. There are no days off, no paycheck, and no set hours. It’s a 24/7 commitment that demands everything from you, making every day a new challenge. Some moms genuinely enjoy being able to stay home and care for their kids, while others may feel overwhelmed when their lives revolve entirely around childcare. Both feelings are valid.

That’s why it’s so important to respect each other’s choices. If a mom chooses to hire a nanny and return to work, that’s her right. If another decides to stay home full-time, that’s just as nice. The issue comes when moms act as if one perspective is the only reasonable one, dismissing everyone else’s experiences. Case in point: Stay-at-home mom Hayden, who took to TikTok to share how easy her life is.

A stay-at-home mom criticized other mothers who say it’s hard.

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Hayden shared a video that has racked up almost 300,000 views. “I don’t think I’ll ever understand stay-at-home moms who say it’s so hard,” she said. “Because right now I’m watching Moana with my child while my husband sits in rush hour traffic. And I don’t want that life. Do you?”

The post sparked intense reactions, reaching over 6,000 comments. “Life’s easy when the TV is the babysitter,” a user commented. Another added, “Tell me you only have one child without telling me you only have one child.” The overall tone of the comments emphasized that not every mom has it easy, and that Hayden was generalizing her experience while dismissing others.

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A mental health therapist said stay-at-home moms don’t have it easy and took issue with the criticism.

The 11-second video led to a wave of reactions and even criticism videos, one of which came in the form of a two-minute breakdown from therapist Brianna Wood. She responded by saying, “I think I’m uniquely qualified to talk on this lady’s video, because I’m a stay-at-home mom of five children, and I’m also a mental health therapist with a specialization in perinatal mental health.”

That area of expertise includes supporting women who are trying to conceive or are postpartum. “I think being a stay-at-home mother of what appears to be one infant child, who takes naps and is allowed screen time, does sound pretty easy,” she said. “But I think we all know the other versions of motherhood that aren’t so easy.”

She added that motherhood can change at any time. A baby might start off easy, and then suddenly become much harder to care for. Also, taking care of two or more children is quite different than only one. And some parents end up caring for babies with medical issues. All of these add new layers of difficulties every day.

“We all know that parenting in general is not easy,” the therapist added. She then encouraged moms who felt hurt or judged by the original video to ask themselves, “Do I really care what this specific person thinks of me?” She wrapped up her response by saying, “Her opinion? We can leave that behind.”

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Parenting looks different for everyone, and that’s okay.

For some reason, there’s a bit of a phenomenon in the early years of motherhood that causes some moms to slip into a mean girl role. Natalie Singer, a Seattle mom, writer, and blogger, told Today, “I think that by the school years, the meanness actually dissipates — it becomes your garden-variety cliques and gossipy circles, like eternal high school. But the real meanness mushrooms in the early years: birth to kindergarten.”

A 2017 survey conducted by Beech-Nut found that a whopping 80% of millennial moms have been shamed about their parenting, and 70% think it’s gotten worse in recent years, thanks to social media. If Hayden’s video is any indication, that seems to be true.

The fact is, Hayden has every right to enjoy her life at home, taking care of her baby, and many other moms do as well! But that doesn’t justify the criticism. But as Art Markman, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of Texas and author of “Brain Briefs,” explained to MarieClaire, it’s not just criticism; this behavior is straight-up bullying. They are belittling someone else’s parenting to make their own choices more palatable. “It’s easy to maintain a sense of group cohesion by creating a distinction between an in-group and an out-group,” he explained. 

That bullying isn’t so easy to brush off because most parents are second-guessing everything they do anyway, and that creates a circle of shame that can be hard to get out of. That’s why kindness and understanding are so important, and so is a strong network of friends and family who can reassure you that what you are going through is normal and you don’t need to love every second of every day as a parent to love your kids and raise them well.

The moral of the story, as hard as it may be to follow, is to stay off social media when it comes to parenting. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your choices or your beliefs. Remember, parenting isn’t one-size-fits-all. You’re doing a great job even on the days when you feel like you aren’t.

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Matt Machado is a writer studying journalism at the University of Central Florida. He covers relationships, psychology, celebrities, pop culture, and human interest topics.