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Shilpa Shirodkar, a familiar face in 1990s Bollywood, known for her collaborations with icons like Amitabh Bachchan, Mithun Chakraborty, Ramesh Sippy, and Gulshan Kumar, stepped away from the limelight at the peak of her career. After moving to London to focus on raising her daughter, she spent over a decade away from the screen-only to return to India under circumstances far from professional ambition.

In a conversation with Pinkvilla, the former actor opened up about her emotional struggles, her unplanned comeback to television, and the role her family played in her healing process.

Shilpa Shirodkar on why she came back to India

“When I came back to India, I wasn’t in a great mental state,” Shilpa admitted. “I had lost my parents and I was in really bad depression. And I actually came back to India to be next to my sister (Namrata Shirodkar). I had nothing on my mind about work. I came back in 2010, and I didn’t even ask anyone to give me work or express the desire to work.”

She confessed that returning to acting wasn’t part of the plan. “I didn’t get films and I didn’t try also. I didn’t even try for television also... But when Diya ji and Tony ji called… I didn’t even know anything about PR at all, neither did I do some photoshoot or anything. My idea was only that I don’t want to go back and want to stay close to my sister.”

What followed was a gradual shift. As her daughter Anushka settled into school, Shilpa began contemplating a new role—this time behind the scenes. “Soon we decided that we will set up a production house, and I’ll produce content for television as it was still an upcoming industry back then… So when I got Ek Mutthi Aasmaan, I don’t know how I got it. I was only told this is a good production house and I had already seen Banegi Apni Baat, so I knew these were good producers and I loved what they narrated to me.”

Shilpa Shirodkar on battling depression

Shilpa’s return, however, was shaped by the grief she carried. Losing both her parents in quick succession plunged her into a deep emotional crisis. “It happened after my parents passed. It was very tough. I was in London, alone, with my husband and my Anushka… But when my parents passed so immediately, one after the other… I don’t know, I just couldn’t handle it.”

The actor, who once lit up the silver screen, revealed the extent of her internal battles. “I used to cry a lot, I had no control over my tears… I had become a robot, wasn’t interested in anything. I had put on so much weight, I had dark circles, I had no interest in life.”

It was her husband Aparesh who anchored her through the storm. “I say this from my own experience, behind every successful woman is a very, very understanding husband. And a very, very tolerant man. And I wouldn’t have been doing this today, I wouldn’t be sitting in front of you, if my husband hadn’t been there. Because in 2010 when I decided to come back, Aparesh’s career was at its peak but he realised that I need to come back, and he left everything and came back.”

Her breakdown was more than emotional; it became a physical, isolating experience. “I used to not go out, don’t do anything, was just doing things because I had a young child… In fact, I just wanted to hit my head on the wall. I was seeing a counsellor, I was taking anti-depressants, I was in a mess.”

In a painfully honest moment, Shilpa admitted how her emotional state even affected her parenting. “I used to get so angry on Aparesh and even take out my anger on our daughter by hitting her, because I didn’t know what to do.”