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The growing influence of technology, increased exposure, and constant peer pressure have reshaped the social-emotional landscape of students. Amid these changes, parents play a crucial role in nurturing resilience and supporting their children’s emotional well-being.

Parenting can often feel like striking a balance between the wind and the anchor. The wind represents encouragement, discipline, and the push to strive forward, while the anchor symbolises emotional security, support, and grounding. A child needs both to sail steadily through life.

Many parents find themselves oscillating between two approaches – one urging them to push their child toward a more disciplined life, and the other pulling them toward providing comfort, offering leniency, and reducing stress. The worry often is that without the push and parental authority, children may not feel motivated to work hard and on the other hand, continuously pushing the child may lead to increased stress, anxiety, and negatively impact their well-being. This leads parents to question their choices continuously.

Is there a single correct answer? Probably not. But is there a right approach for a child in a specific situation? Most likely, yes. 
Parental Pressure: Does it Help?

One of the most common misconceptions is that parental pressure builds resilience. In reality, pressure often does the opposite. It is important to note that pressure is not the same as encouragement, discipline, or teaching a child to work hard. It is actually the stress children experience to do more, to be 'better than others' across various aspects of their lives, such as academics, social expectations and co-curricular activities. It does not inspire a child to do better; it often makes them feel "not good enough", leading to an inadequate sense of self and underdeveloped social-emotional coping skills.

Experts in child development emphasise that motivation in children is fostered through support, guidance, and opportunities to learn from mistakes, rather than external pressure. The key distinction between the two is stress, not motivation. 

Rather than finding a balance between pressure and support, the real challenge is understanding when and how to offer the right kind of support. Support can take many forms. Sometimes, it is a reassuring hug or a gentle conversation, offering emotional safety. Other times, it means giving a child space to process their emotions and develop autonomy. There are also moments when setting firm but fair boundaries helps children learn responsibility. Every child is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. The role of the parent as an expert on their child is then to recognise what kind of support is needed at any given moment. For most children, it is a mix of these forms of support at different stages.

How Can Parents Provide the Right Support?

Understanding when to push and when to hold back requires sensitivity and openness. One of the most powerful ways to achieve this is through really listening to the child. Children and young adults often express frustration about being offered solutions by adults who do not understand their situation. In reality, adults may not always be able to comprehend the 
experience of being a child in today’s world. When children feel heard without immediate fixes or reactions, they are more likely to express their emotions openly.

Adults often communicate with children to teach, correct, or protect — all of which are important. However, it is beneficial for parents to reflect on their discomfort when their child struggles. It is important to consider whether the response is aimed at alleviating the child’s distress or addressing personal feelings of guilt or anxiety. As well-intentioned as the advice or response may be, providing immediate solutions or judgment may lead to lower levels of confidence and problem-solving ability in the child.

Observing what works is also equally important. Parents are humans and are bound to make mistakes. There is no universal parenting manual. Parenting strategies evolve through reflection and experience. Noticing what works for a child and what does not can help parents build effective strategies.

Praising effort rather than results helps children build confidence, reinforcing the idea that mistakes can be learning experiences. When parents appreciate hard work and problem-solving abilities rather than just grades or achievements, children become more internally motivated. At the same time, compassionate but honest feedback—that focuses on how the child can improve rather than criticism—helps children look at failure as an opportunity to learn and builds their ability to ‘bounce back up’.

Parenting is a delicate balance between guidance and holding space. A resilient child is not free from challenges, but one who knows they are not facing them alone. Like the wind that lifts and the anchor that steadies, the most meaningful role a parent can play is not to control the journey but to ensure their child has the strength and confidence to sail forward.

(The author of the article is MA, BC-DMT, Counsellor, Shiv Nadar School, Gurugram.)