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With the age of toxic masculinity that we live in, kindness is not valued in men nearly as much as it should be. Nevertheless, parents still do what they can to raise sons with kind, gentle hearts who care about others. Unfortunately, the world at large tends to see this kindness and think of it as a weakness. Society is so against seeing the idea of any kind of softness, including kindness, coming from men that it mistakes it for something it is not.

This is something that Gilbert Regalado II knows well. Regalado, who runs the TikTok account @solid_foundations, which “[helps] boy moms guide their sons into manhood,” is well-versed in all of the lies the world believes about masculinity. That’s why he is doing what he can to teach moms how to raise kind sons whose kindness isn’t mistaken for weakness. He addressed this topic in a recent video and offered three ways he thinks it can be achieved.

Here are 3 ways to raise a kind son whose kindness won’t be mistaken for weakness:

1. Help him develop a good sense of humor

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This may sound counterintuitive because you would think that the way to ensure kindness isn’t mistaken for weakness is to add a healthy dose of toughness to a boy’s life. But, Regalado assured viewers that the other “insecure boys” would have plenty of bravado for both themselves and your son. Instead, the key is to say “something witty and funny” when another boy hurts your son’s feelings. This is better than him reacting with the same harshness.

“This lets the other boys know that what they say doesn’t bother him, and that he’s not an easy target,” Regalado stated. Licensed mental health counselor and a therapist certified by the prestigious Gottman Institute, Zach Brittle agreed. “Humor is a powerful repair technique,” he noted. “It can lower the tension level of an argument, destroy the division between you and your partner, and remind you that you’re human. An artfully deployed joke can shift the focus away from your fixed position and toward your shared we-ness.”

Humor can be used to easily de-escalate a tense situation or conflict that seems to have no easy answer. When your son displays a healthy sense of humor, he’ll show other boys who try to act tough and become bullies because of it that he is not someone who can easily be picked on. This will help him stand out as someone who is kind but unflappable.

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2. Enroll him in martial arts classes

Unfortunately, as Regalado pointed out, a boy will eventually come along who doesn’t react well to your son’s humor. There will come a point when he has no choice other than to defend himself, and you want him to be ready for that time when it comes. He added, “Training in these martial arts will build his confidence in knowing that he can defend himself and those he cares about.”

Luckily, the benefits of martial arts go beyond just defense or even staying fit. In an article published in the journal Children, researchers concluded that practicing martial arts helps to increase kids’ confidence and social skills. It also has a positive impact on mental health and leads kids to be less aggressive, even though they now know how to best defend themselves.

Regalado said that it doesn’t really matter what form of martial arts your son participates in as long as he picks up something he enjoys and excels at. That will give him the chance to have fun while learning how to take care of himself and the people he loves. No one would mistake a boy who is skilled in self-defense for being weak. Everyone would know he was kind, but he had the skills needed to take care of himself if necessary.

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3. Have him compete in what he trains in

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“Now, he’ll be able to protect himself verbally and physically,” Regalado said. “He’ll be both verbally and physically superior to most of his peers. However, this leaves his kindness vulnerable to an even [more] dangerous enemy: his own ego.” It turns out that your son doesn’t just have other boys to worry about. He also needs to be careful not to let his skills go to his head.

Regalado said your son doesn’t have to compete in whatever he trains in regularly, but just do it enough to know he’s not the best out there. There’s always someone who excels just a little bit more, which is a good thing, because it keeps him humble. This won’t take away from or diminish the skills he has gained. Instead, it will just teach him more and remind him that he isn’t the best in the world — which is a good thing.

Studies have backed up the idea that competition is good for boys. According to an article published in Frontiers in Psychology, “Male participants showed faster [reaction times] and greater sustained effort as a result of a competitive environment, suggesting that males may be more affected by competition in physical effort tasks.” Competition is good for kids, and physical competition is especially good for boys, so your son will benefit from participating in competitive activities, even if it means he doesn’t win.

Society says that boys can’t be both masculine and kind. Instead, kindness is seen as some kind of weakness. This can make it hard for parents who are trying to raise their sons to be good, kind humans. Teaching them how to show that their kindness isn’t weakness through humor, martial arts, and competition will ensure that your son is never underestimated.

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Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.