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It’s been three weeks since Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce announced their engagement, and the internet still hasn’t stopped buzzing. The news was so big that it took over the MTV Video Music Awards (VMAs), even though Swift was not even in attendance. Comedian Nikki Glaser, a self-professed Swiftie, walked the red carpet at the event and was asked about her thoughts on the monumental engagement.

According to People Magazine, Glaser told Entertainment Tonight, “I think it’s gonna ruin some relationships, to be honest. Because I think a lot of people watched that and were like, ‘I deserve that. I deserve that type of enthusiasm, and I deserve that kind of person who celebrates me in that way.’ I think there’s a lot of people watching it like, ‘Maybe I deserve better.’”

While Glaser’s comments may be an exaggeration of how Swifties (and the world at large) feel about Swift and Kelce’s impending nuptials, it is true that some people are bound to look at the couple and see their love story as a fairytale. Therapist Aliza Shapiro, LCSW, agreed that it may be tough for some people to swallow. While people are celebrating the news, they are no doubt also looking at the idealistic relationship and comparing their own romantic lives. In an Instagram post, Shapiro shared five things about the couple’s relationship that seem so perfect they could ruin things for some other couples.

Here are 5 things about Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s love that will ‘ruin some relationships’

1. Taylor waited for the kind of love she deserved

Any of Swift’s fans (or haters) could tell you that she’s dated her fair share of famous guys. It’s what makes her music so real. Each album is infused with true butterflies and honest heartbreak. As Shapiro pointed out, Swift could have settled at any point, in any other relationship that felt good enough, but she didn’t. Instead, she waited for the absolute best she could ever imagine.

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“Travis pursued her with clarity — not fear — and he stepped into her world with confidence, not insecurity,” she said. “That difference is what happens when you wait for someone who can meet you fully.” Swift could have settled for something that made her happy, but she would have missed her happily ever after in the process.

Physician Bruce Y. Lee, MD, said, “Ultimately, the two of you have to have a strong natural connection that can withstand all that life has to throw at you.” That’s something that can’t be faked or pretended into existence. While Swift may have gotten along with other guys well in the past, that doesn’t mean she had a strong enough connection with them or that they were the one. By showing the world the beauty of waiting for what you deserve, Swift may have ruined a few relationships in which someone realized they had settled for less.

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2. They let polarity take over and do its thing

Shapiro defined polarity as “the dynamic attraction between contrasting energies (such as masculine and feminine) that is at the root of any magnetic connection. To be clear, both energies exist within everyone.” This attraction allowed Swift and Kelce, two very different people, to come together and create a beautiful life and love. They don’t really have much in common on the surface, but they’re still able to just click.

“Taylor is one of the most influential women in the world,” Shapiro continued. “Rather than being diminished by her visibility, Travis seems strengthened by it. He does not retreat; he stands beside her. And she does the same for him.”

Life coach Tony Robbins confirmed that polarity is essential for relationships to really be special. “Polarity in relationships is the spark that occurs between two opposing energies: masculine and feminine,” he explained. “Gender does not affect whether you have masculine or feminine energy.” It is this polarity that creates passion, he said. If someone realizes that the energy in their relationship is not balanced in a way that means polarity is at play, it could ruin their image of their relationship.

3. They have plenty of levity in their relationship

One thing about Swift and Kelce is that they don’t take life too seriously. They may be among the biggest names in music and sports, but they aren’t above dancing and laughing in public. This is majorly important, Shapiro said. “Playfulness is not trivial,” she shared. “Ask any older person. It is the thing that makes relationships survive when the world becomes heavy and tension rises.”

Professor Emerita Susan Krauss Whitbourne, PhD, ABPP, put it this way: “Being an adult in an adult relationship doesn’t mean you have to give up your childlike qualities all the time. Being silly is a way not only to have fun together, but also to help you build the strong bonds that positive emotional experiences can provide.”

It would be easy enough to look at Swift and Kelce’s playfulness and decide that they have the luxury of acting in such a way because they’re helplessly rich and famous. But when you consider what experts have to say about a sense of lightness in any relationship, it’s hard to deny that it’s an essential component. People who don’t have this in their own relationships could feel like they are ruined.

: 4 Normal Things Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce Do That Only Annoy People Who Don’t Like Love

4. Their families can be themselves around each other

We’ve all heard of (and some of us have lived through) nightmare in-laws who seem not to get along with the new member of their family or their loved ones at all. Everyone has different personalities and will react to a family member getting married in different ways, but Shapiro thinks it’s a major green flag when families can just be themselves around each other, even though they’re considered to be the dreaded in-laws.

Shapiro used Kelce’s family as an example, especially his lovable, slightly crazy brother, Jason. “They remain their genuine, goofy selves, which means she is more than tolerated, she is welcomed,” she said. “In-laws will never be perfect, but a family that shows up with genuine authenticity is a sign that a relationship is being built on something lasting and real.”

Of course, every family situation is different, and not everyone will experience this by default. Some people aren’t close with their family or have damaged relationships with certain members for a variety of reasons. In those circumstances, it doesn’t mean your relationship is ruined if you don’t feel close to your in-laws. But if things feel genuinely frosty, you might take note that it could mean something is wrong, and it’s very unlike Swift and Kelce’s seemingly perfect relationship.

5. She found self-love before the love of her life

Swift is 35, which is not old by any means, but older than many people are when they find their life partner in the society we live in. Fans are celebrating this. They believe that if someone who experienced as much heartbreak as Swift did can finally find the right guy for her when she’s in her mid-30s, then it can happen to anyone. While this may be a bit of an oversimplification, Shapiro understands where Swifties are coming from. “For all my people out there with the underlying existential fear that you will not find your person, hear this: YOU ARE NOT LATE,” she said. “There is no timeline on love.”

Writing for PsychCentral, Paula Durlofsky, PhD, explained, “It’s our relationship with ourselves that sets the foundation for all of our other interactions and is the secret to having fulfilling and healthy intimate relationships … When we adopt an attitude of self-love, we have higher levels of self-esteem, we’re less critical and harsh with ourselves when we make mistakes and we’re able to celebrate our positive qualities AND accept our negative ones.”

It’s been said that if you want to love someone else, you really have to learn how to love yourself first, and Swift seemed to exemplify this. As Shapiro said, “She built an empire, fell in love with herself and then (and only then) did she find her man.” If someone were to realize that there was no self-love to back up the foundation of their relationship, they might feel like it was ruined.

Of course, no relationship is perfect, no matter how it looks, including Swift and Kelce’s. No matter how much it may seem like a fairytale, it’s important to remember that they have their issues just like everyone else does. This definitely doesn’t mean you should leave your partner because you don’t think your relationship lives up to theirs. Only you can determine if you truly deserve something better.

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Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.