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Everyone always wonders how to keep love and lust alive after years of marriage. Is it more about going on dates? Is it about keeping things exciting in the bedroom? Though all of these things are important, each man has different priorities in an ideal partner.

However, recent research has revealed the one thing that makes men the most attracted to their partner, and it’s much simpler than you might think. In fact, it could be as simple as saying thank you.

Men are most attracted to a woman when she makes them feel appreciated.

YourTango conducted a “Happy, Healthy Marriage” survey with 104 of our marriage and relationship experts. In their expert opinion, attraction has less to do with romance and more to do with appreciation.

Drazen Zigic | Shutterstock

Of course it does. Looks fade, but your partner doing acts of service for you will never go away. Respondents were asked when people felt most attracted to their spouses, and the majority of people (56%) responded that they find their loved ones the most attractive when they make them feel needed and appreciated.

These results show that all you have to do is look for small ways in which you can make your spouse feel like you need them, be grateful to them by always saying thank you, and show them exactly how much you appreciate their hard work and love.

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Though showing gratitude is important, it’s not the only thing men find attractive.

The survey showed some other interesting results. A good 20% said that people feel attracted to their partner when that person is happy, pleasant, and easy-going. Sixteen percent said it’s when their loved one is confident in their skills or accomplishments. 

Those results indicate that lasting love is all about people showing up for each other. We just wanna know that someone’s gonna be there for us, and will always be on our side no matter what.

On the other hand, the behavior that came in dead last in the survey is probably the one we would have expected to be first. Only 6% of participants said they feel attracted to their spouse when he or she is acting flirty or spicy. When this happens, it often sounds like it could mean the end of a relationship, but it’s natural for long-term couples to have shifts in intimacy. It’s a beautiful thing when two people can get to a point where their love transcends physicality.

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Your partner might not always remember what you did, but they will remember how you made them feel.

Showing gratitude towards a partner makes them feel valued as a person and encourages them to keep showing up in the relationship. You’ll likely feel more closely connected to them, and both of you will be more satisfied.

Drazen Zigic | Shutterstock

According to Psychology Today, “When we feel good about ourselves, we also tend to be more likable and that makes for better relationships with others. Understanding this connection between doing good, feeling good, and good relationships can be especially beneficial in romantic relationships.”

Feeling needed isn’t exactly a new concept when it comes to love. People often say that men need it to stay fully invested in a relationship. It’s good to know that attraction in marriage is about more than just the physical. It looks like thanking him for fixing the sink is actually a whole lot more romantic than kisses, because kisses aren’t going to unclog the drain. 

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Nicole Weaver is a senior writer for Showbiz Cheat Sheet whose work has been featured in New York Magazine, Teen Vogue, and more.