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Going off to college and being on your own for the first time can be really difficult. It’s nice to know that you have your family’s support and can return home for holidays, breaks, or even just a weekend whenever you need to. One college freshman assumed she had that option, but as her first major holiday approached during school, she realized that was not the case.

A 19-year-old student posted on Reddit asking if she was wrong to assume that she could return home whenever she needed to. Instead of going home for Thanksgiving, as she thought she would, her dad and stepmom told her to “figure it out.”

Apparently, because she’s an adult now, the college student isn’t supposed to go home anymore.

“I got a scholarship and am going to my dream school, which unfortunately is a plane ride away from home,” she said in her post. “I live in the dorms in school and haven’t been home yet since my dad dropped me off.”

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She went on to explain that her parents separated when she was 6 years old. “They both remarried,” she said. “My dad and stepmom have two kids under 10, and my mom didn’t have any more … Also, my mom and I don’t get along very well. I love her but she’s not very nice to me and has always been judgmental and it stresses me out.”

Since she has a scholarship, she said that her parents said “they’d cover all my flights and other expenses from my college fund.” That certainly makes it sound like this girl’s parents want to see her as often as they can. But it turns out that one side of her family thinks she should be able to work out holiday plans on her own now that she has reached adulthood.

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Her dad and stepmom seem determined to keep her from coming home.

“I called my dad earlier this week to ask him about Thanksgiving,” she continued. “He got kind of weird and told me I shouldn’t worry about coming home, they probably weren’t doing much and he knew I liked my school. But everyone else will be gone and the dorms will be closed!”

She assured her dad she would be happy with just having pizza for Thanksgiving dinner, but that won’t be happening. “Last night my stepmom called,” she said. “Basically she said that I’m an adult now, and needed to figure it out on my own.” Her stepmom added that “they simply didn’t have anywhere for me to stay.”

Naturally, the girl did not take this very well. “I kind of freaked out because where will I stay when school isn’t in session?” she asked. “She said since I wasn’t a part of their nuclear family, I couldn’t expect to have a room at their home as an adult.”

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It seems like it’s probably time for her to go low contact with her family.

Fellow Redditors affirmed what a horrible, unfair situation the girl was in and suggested that she take measures to protect herself. “I’d go low contact,” one person advised. They added that when the girl’s dad asks her why he hasn’t seen her in a long time in the future, she can remind him of this situation.

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Therapist Sarah Epstein, LMFT, explained, “Low contact is one valid way to adapt to a difficult relationship without ending it entirely. It lets you preserve emotional energy, reduce harm, and stay connected to your values — even if the relationship never becomes what you wish it could be.”

We hear a lot about people choosing to completely cut off contact with their family these days, but that’s not the only option. This girl said she is close to her dad, so she doesn’t have to choose total estrangement. Instead, she can distance herself from this part of her family to keep herself safe and minimize the pain — if it’s even possible to minimize it at this point.

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Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.