(By Ishinna B. Sadana)
Co-parenting does not mean both parents do everything equally; it means understanding each other's strengths. Problems arise when one parent follows something the other parent does not, giving rise to misalignment. This is why open, respectful communication is critical. When parents act as a team, the child feels more emotionally secure and develops healthier relationships. A positive home environment is built when parents are aligned. Parenting will get stressful and challenging at times. What matters is how parents resolve conflicts during tough times. What they do during the hard moments truly matters. In this regard, the first 1000 days after a baby’s birth are usually the most challenging ones for parents. Here is quick guide to navigate through:
0 To 200 Days (Newborn Stage)
The first 200 days after a childbirth is more about teamwork, open and respectful communication, praising and appreciating each other's efforts. A mother goes through both physical and emotional challenges during postpartum period which involves hormonal changes, and risk of depression. The mother has to feed the baby and also deal with her own body and the changes it has gone through. At this stage, what the father can do is provide emotional support.
That is extremely important because this is the time when hormones drop and the mother may experience emotional highs and lows. The more emotional support the mother receives, the better it is. The father can support the feeding schedule by helping the mother express and store milk so that she can get adequate sleep and the father can also feed the child. Thankfully, we live in a time where breast pumps and such facilities make this possible, and we should make the most of it if we truly want to co-parent in the first 200 days.
Co-parenting does not only mean that the father and the mother share responsibilities equally, it also implies that during this challenging phase one takes more responsibilities when the other needs support. From changing diapers to soothing the baby, burping, and swaddling. Additionally, fathers can also look after frequent doctor check-ups which keeps mother and baby safe from infection.
200 To 400 Days (6 Months to 1 Year)
During the period of six months to 1 year after a baby is born, the journey of introducing solids begins. Today, it is important for both parents to educate themselves about baby-led weaning, when to introduce salt or sugar, and so on. Shared learning helps both parents take informed decisions. During this phase they might experience difference of opinion which can be tackled through open and respectful communication.
From bathing the child to spending one-on-one time with the child, responsibilities should be divided fairly. Usually, we believe that the baby may not understand much but in reality, neurons are connecting, and the brain is developing. Every interaction matters. Being emotionally present and attuned is a key responsibility for both parents and doing it right makes a significant difference. When working mothers return to their work it is crucial that parents might have to revise their earlier division of responsibilities, so that neither gets burnt out and both feel supported While managing daily tasks, it is also important to give each other some “me time” to rejuvenate. Self-care is essential to being an effective parent. When parents give each other space and support, parenting becomes far more enjoyable
400 to 700 Days (Toddler Stage)
The next phase, when the baby becomes a toddler, which is roughly 13 to 23 months, is when tantrums may start. Parents need to educate themselves at handling tantrums, by reading books. The more informed they are, the better they will handle the situation.
They should decide what kind of discipline they want to follow, what boundaries to set, and the best way to respond to tantrums. Common behaviour from children may involve hitting, biting, or banging their heads on hard surfaces. The more parents educate themselves it becomes easier for the child, the parents, and the overall home environment. Additionally, babyproofing becomes necessary as the toddler starts moving around more.
Other ongoing responsibilities continue such as doctor visits, vaccinations, planning meals, and deciding what the child can or cannot eat. Sometimes conflicts or differences in opinions may arise between the parents. Again, respectful discussions and open communication are crucial.
700 To 1000 Days (Late Toddler Stage)
During the late toddler stage, excretion training often begins. Both parents should research about excretion training, playschools, daycares, and school philosophies like Montessori or Waldorf. Co-parenting also means to understand each other's strengths and weaknesses while learning together. Nowadays parents introduce screen time, but it is very important to set a time span for this. When parents act as a team, the child feels more emotionally secure and develops healthier relationships.
A positive home environment is built when parents are aligned. What matters is how parents resolve conflicts during tough times. When things get hard and mistakes happen, parents should apologise, reconnect, and work on their relationship. There is no “ideal”, but if parents keep working on their relationship, parenting becomes manageable and beautiful.
1000 Days And Beyond
By around three years, the child starts saying 'no'. Handling difficult behaviours requires both parents to be on the same page. Parents should educate themselves about child development, tantrum management, boundaries, and discipline through workshops, books, resources. They also need alignment on household rules such as junk food, treats, and routines. Discussing these matters respectfully and acknowledging each other’s differing opinions makes parenting easier. Without alignment, things become much harder.
Co- parenting does not mean just to parent a baby it involves two parents working on same page, with right decisions and managing the overwhelming environment in this process. It is important to keep educating themselves in these 1000 days which helps in nurturing the child with teamwork, patience which make this journey of parenthood beautiful.
Ishinna B. Sadana is an Author, Parenting Expert, and TedX Speaker
