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The beginning of a relationship often looks like a movie scene. Every thing is good, every habit is cute, and every flaw also starts looking ‘cute’. You think you have found the most perfect person in the world. But after a few months, the same habits that used to make you smile earlier start irritating you. Why does this happen?

Does the person in front change, or our perspective? After all, is this the spectacle of love or the deception of the mind? At the beginning of a relationship, emotions and hormones together create such a positive effect in which we pay more attention to the qualities of the other person and ignore the shortcomings.

Miracle of love hormone

At the beginning of a relationship, ‘feel-good’ hormones like dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin increase in our body. These hormones make us feel happy, excited and connected. During this time, the brain applies a kind of ‘positive filter’, due to which we see more the qualities of the other person and ignore the shortcomings. That means at that time you are not looking at the person, you are looking at him through the lens of your emotions.

halo effect

There is a term in psychology ‘halo effect’. This means that if you like one thing about a person, then you assume that the rest of his things will also be good. For example, if someone speaks very well, you think that he will also be intelligent, responsible and sensitive. Even if you haven’t tested it. This is the reason that in the initial days, the mind itself makes the image of the other person ‘perfect’.

imagination vs reality

At the beginning of a relationship we do not see the other person as he is; Rather, we start seeing it the way we want to see it. We impose our hopes, desires and fantasies on that person. The mind creates a beautiful story, in which there is no room for shortcomings.

Why does vision change with time?

As time passes, the effect of hormones begins to normalize and the ‘positive filter’ of the brain begins to be removed. Then you start seeing things more realistically. The same habits, which were previously invisible, are now clearly visible. Actually, the person in front does not change but your ability to see becomes normal.

So is it bad?

This process is completely natural. The real strength of a relationship is created when you accept the other person’s shortcomings even after knowing them. The initial attraction gradually turns into understanding and acceptance and this is what makes the relationship lasting.