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When a woman was rejected for a job role through an email, she was told that her “people-pleasing tendencies” didn’t align with what the company was looking for. 

Job interviews are intended to measure a number of things. Skills, primarily, and even cultural fit within the company. But this woman’s interviewing experience left her questioning what exactly employers are looking for in a potential candidate. She decided to take to social media to ask what others thought about the situation, and if their suggestions might’ve gone a little too far.

A woman was sent a rejection email after a job interview that said the company didn’t like her ‘people-pleasing tendencies.

In a recent Reddit post, one woman shared the surprising feedback she received from a company she had interviewed with. After stating that they’ve decided not to move forward with her application, the email reads, “During the interview, your approach came across as overly eager to please and, at times, trying too hard to say what you thought we wanted to hear rather than presenting your genuine perspective.”

Reddit

The email continued, “We don’t build teams around people-pleasing tendencies or rehearsed enthusiasm — we look for grounded professionals who can stand firmly in their own expertise without overcompensating.” Additionally, the company suggested that she reflect on how she presents herself in future interviews and be more confident rather than accommodating.

Now, the woman is wondering if others think this response is actually appropriate and professional. She wrote, “I get that not being a culture fit is a thing but the wording felt unnecessarily personal and condescending.”

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People had mixed opinions about the company’s response.

Some commenters agreed that the feedback likely could have been phrased better. One user wrote, “It’d be like going on a single date with someone and getting a detailed list of the qualities they didn’t like about you. Even if the intent was coming from a good place, the wording of OP’s rejection letter all but guarantees that it wouldn’t be received as constructive criticism.”

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Others thought that the advice could be helpful for the woman and that she should consider it in future interviews. “Actually, I read that as ‘You came off as disingenuous and we don’t believe you.’ Be thankful they gave you that feedback and use it to make yourself better,” another user said.

Most were simply amazed that the woman received an individualized rejection letter after an interview at all. A third user wrote, “You should get on your knees and thank God that you actually got interview feedback rather than an automated decline email with no idea how to improve yourself moving forward.”

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Being a ‘people-pleaser’ can actually hurt your career.

It’s impossible to know exactly what happened in this woman’s interview to prompt this response from the company, but she may still benefit from doing some internal reflection before going to another job interview. It’s possible she doesn’t even realize she’s engaging in people-pleasing behaviors, and learning to avoid them would benefit both her professional reputation and overall well-being.

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While people-pleasers are generally well-liked by their bosses and colleagues, it can be quite damaging to their mental health. Hailey Magee, author of the self-help book “Stop People Pleasing and Find Your Power,” told the Harvard Business Review podcast, “When we’re giving through the lens of people-pleasing, outside we may seem easygoing or happy or flexible. But inside, we usually feel resentful or overwhelmed or overworked.”

One study even explored the effects of people-pleasing in the workplace and found that it can significantly disrupt a worker’s ability to make authentic connections and establish boundaries. Additionally, it increases the risk of emotional exhaustion and burnout when they don’t receive the necessary recognition or support.

Instead of feeling hurt by the feedback, perhaps the one commenter was right, and this woman should be happy she got some constructive criticism that might actually be beneficial in the future.

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Kayla Asbach is a writer currently working on her bachelor’s degree at the University of Central Florida. She covers relationships, psychology, self-help, pop culture, and human interest topics.