Top News

Sarah Ferguson has certainly found herself in a pickle. Since she was booted out of her fancy Windsor squat, she has been ping-ponging across the Alps like a von Trapp on the run. But her eternal spa break must come to an end at some point.

With the news her daughter Eugenie is expecting again, surely it's time to slip off the complimentary slippers, hang up the robe, and rejoin the real world.

I do feel for her, really, I do. I can't stand packing, even for a night away. The thought of packing up after months is a nightmare.

At least she has offloaded a lot of baggage along the way: royal title, credibility, friends, charity patronages, an impressive number of business ventures and her dignity, which of course flew out the window of a Swiss chalet a long time ago.

But all is not lost. She still has her family and her devoted ex-husband, Andrew. He might be a disgraced, lying pariah under investigation for misconduct, but he's her disgraced, lying pariah.

Last month, she was spotted in a £2000-a-night Austrian ski resort, so not completely skint then. Or perhaps she has found another billionaire to fund her exile?

Naturally, she was wearing a baseball cap, the go-to headwear for incognito stars. Never understood it. Surely a sombrero would work better?

If she's waiting for the scandal to blow over, she's in for a helluva wait. The longer she hides away, the more the anticipation builds. Besides, it's all out there already, and it's hard to imagine a worse situation.

We've all read those sycophantic emails to her "supreme friend" paedophile sex trafficker Jeffery Epstein, many sent after he was convicted of child sex charges and despite her claiming to have cut off contact.

She turned her last major embarrassment into a memoir, Finding Sarah: A Duchess's Journey to Find Herself. Being caught in a News of the World cash-for-access sting in 2010, she insisted, was a blessing in disguise. "I was very grateful to be in that position in a way, when I hit rock bottom," she said. "It woke me up."

So she must be doubly grateful that she has sunk to a new low. The now former Duchess can discover herself all over again, for the right price. There are only so many Alpine herbal scrubs and deep tissue massages one can endure, so I imagine she has been busy getting her ducks in a row.

Something like Lost and Found and Blimmin Lost Again: Sarah's Journey From Bad To Worse. But please spare us the wellness babble this time. Just give us the grubby truth.

Even one of the world's richest men can feel buyer's remorse, it seems. Amazon boss Jeff Bezos is reportedly selling his £370m megayacht Koru because it is too recognisable.

At 417 feet with three 230ft masts, it is the largest sailing yacht in the world. A detail I imagine he was made aware of when he commissioned the whopper from Dutch shipmaker Oceanco in 2021.

It's so vast that during a trip to the Florida Everglades it couldn't dock in a private marina, so had to drop anchor alongside decidedly less picturesque oil tankers.

If discretion was the aim, the polished figurehead of his wife, Lauren Sánchez, as a busty mermaid was, in hindsight, another misjudgement. More money than sense, as they say. Still, consider it payback for all those regrettable one-click Amazon purchases.

An escaped pet snake went on the slither for six months before turning up under a tea towel on next door's kitchen counter top.

Enid, a five-foot Russian rat snake (blurgh), seized her shot at freedom after her owner Blayne Coombes accidentally dislodged an air vent while moving her tank.

She reappeared on April Fool's Day, and at first, neighbour Lorraine Healey, from Coventry, understandably assumed it was her grandkids playing a prank on her.

"I thought it was a joke," she said. "But I touched it and it moved. I didn't panic, I tried to keep my cool as I knew Blayne was home."

Well, Lorraine, you are a better woman than me. I would have burned my house down.