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Being willing to go the extra mile for loved ones is often seen as a positive in relationships. Acts of service are one of the most popular love languages, demonstrating that we care enough to do something special for someone. However, is it crossing a line to do these things for someone other than our romantic partner? One woman thinks it is, and she actually told her fiancé to stop cooking fancy dinners for his friends, even though he loves doing it.

A man worried he’s in the wrong after his fiancée demanded that he stop making home-cooked meals for his friends.

He explained the situation in a Reddit post, sharing that he’s extremely passionate about cooking and that sharing food is very meaningful to him. The man said that his fiancée is a bit of a picky eater and refuses to eat most of the things he cooks or orders at a restaurant. While this doesn’t bother him, he said the real problem is how she reacts to him making food for other people who genuinely enjoy his creations.

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One of his close friends is a truck driver, and he doesn’t see him often. Whenever this friend comes home, the man makes an effort to cook a special meal for him. He has a lot of fun planning a menu for his friend, and it makes him feel fulfilled to give someone a sense of comfort through food.

Recently, the man told his fiancée that this friend was coming home soon and he had a whole menu planned out. However, the fiancée didn’t share the same excitement. She got upset. He wrote, “She didn’t like how I went ‘above and beyond’ for him.” Though the man has tried to explain why cooking for this friend is important to him, he feels that the comments she makes are less about her own opinions and more like an attempt to be derogatory towards him.

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Commenters had mixed reactions, and many thought that this might not be the full story.

Some claimed that the fiancée is in the wrong for trying to disrupt their friendship, and the fact that they don’t share the same love of food may be a problem. One user wrote, “That’s an incredibly kind gift for your friend who doesn’t get many home cooked meals. Your fiancée is not the one for you. Your values are not aligned.”

However, others suggested that the man should consider whether he treats his fiancée with the same level of care and love that he shows to his friend. Another user asked, “This sounds less about the food and more about the effort and thought you put into this friendship perhaps making her question if you’re prioritizing her a similar way? I know you enjoy making food for others but have you taken the time to learn how your [girlfriend] feels most loved and appreciated?”

Most recommended that the man sit down with his fiancée and talk about why his actions are upsetting her. A third user wrote, “Caring, open, honest, safe communication that comes from a place of concern is usually the way to find out why a [significant other] is trying to disrupt the friendship. Once you understand [significant other’s] feelings, you can usually start some simple practices to make them feel better about the friendship.”

And while there’s no denying that this couple needs to communicate and get vulnerable about their true feelings regarding any conflict, especially if they are planning to spend the rest of their lives together, it’s hard not to wonder if commenters would give the same advice about effort and care if the roles were reversed and she was cooking for her friends and he was the one complaining.

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Both romantic relationships and friendships are crucial to our overall well-being.

The American Psychological Association explained that, while romantic relationships are highly prioritized in American culture, research suggests that friendships also contribute to our mental health and longevity.

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Dartmouth College professor Thalia Wheatley, PhD, confirmed, “Friendship is something we really need to understand. There’s been this preoccupation with romantic relationships, but many of our close relationships are with friends.”

Maintaining healthy and stable friendships provides a myriad of benefits. As a science writer for the APA, Zara Abrams explained, “People who have friends and close confidants are more satisfied with their lives and less likely to suffer from depression. They’re also less likely to die from all causes, including heart problems and a range of chronic diseases.”

It’s hard to say exactly who’s in the right here. While the man shouldn’t necessarily be expected to abandon his relationship with his longtime friend, he should take a closer look at his relationship with his fiancée and try to identify any deeper problems that may be causing her to react negatively.

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Kayla Asbach is a writer currently working on her bachelor’s degree at the University of Central Florida. She covers relationships, psychology, self-help, pop culture, and human interest topics.