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A woman posted on Reddit looking for advice because she is unhappy about the way her boyfriend plans to propose to her. Her gripe? He has invited his parents to be a part of the celebration. Guess who he didn’t invite? Her parents. Really, what she wants is just a romantic evening with the two of them, but if he is determined to invite other people, she wants her parents there as well.

Of course, she’s not supposed to know about the plan, and that leaves her in a bit of a pickle. Does she tell him that she found out and isn’t pleased, or does she simply go with the flow and pretend she’s happy?

A woman said she’s ‘concerned’ after learning how her boyfriend plans to propose.

The girlfriend explained that her main cause for concern is that his parents are going to be there when it happens, and hers aren’t. “I would love the plan if it was just the two of us,” she wrote, “but I’m worried it’s going to be awkward with his parents there because his mom doesn’t really like me that much.”

Alec Favale | Unsplash

On top of that, she pointed out that her mom will most likely be upset knowing the boyfriend’s parents were there, but she wasn’t. When the couple went ring shopping earlier this year, she said she told him she wanted their engagement to be just the two of them, but he either forgot or chose to ignore it.

“I don’t know what to do about this at all,” the girlfriend wrote. Adding, “Should I just let it happen and be unhappy with it and try to explain and apologize to my mom later? Should I tell him I know and explain my concerns? I just feel awful saying something to him about it.”

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She should probably tell her boyfriend how she feels. 

People who replied to the post argued that telling him how she feels is the best approach. Some mentioned that she could say she saw a Reddit post or heard a story about a public proposal involving family, and that she didn’t like that idea.

Instead of making up a lie, one commenter advised, “I’m going against the grain from other people, but just honestly communicate. Say ‘I accidentally found out how you’re planning to propose and that only your parents will be there. I’d really prefer if the whole day was just the two of us. However, if you really want your parents to celebrate afterwards with us, I’d really like my parents to be there too as this is a celebration for both of us. Otherwise, it feels really exclusionary to only have your parents.'” They went on to say, “You’re planning on getting married. If you can’t communicate openly now, then what’s the point?”

Brette Sember, a former attorney who specialized in divorce and now writes on the topic, said that it’s essential not to keep secrets from your partner. One of the reasons people might hide things from their spouse, she explained, is the fear of hurting their partner’s feelings, something this woman explicitly stated.

By pretending she’s happy when she isn’t, she ends up hurting the relationship. Telling the truth is the way to go, even when it may feel uncomfortable. Like the commenter said, you need to be able to communicate in order to have a successful marriage. 

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If she still doesn’t want to interfere with his plan, she should tell him she wants her mom at the proposal.

August de Richelieu | Pexels

Instead of revealing that she learned about his proposal plan, she could simply state, “I’ve been thinking about it and I’d love it if my parents were at our proposal.” That’s it. That’s all she’d have to say. No elaborate deception or moment of discomfort. If he chooses to ignore what she wants, that’s a whole different article.

Just like there are two people in a marriage, there are two people involved in a proposal. Both should be happy about the plan. She should feel comfortable talking to her boyfriend about it. It’s not a secret that it’s coming since they’ve already shopped for rings together. 

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Matt Machado is a writer studying journalism at the University of Central Florida. He covers relationships, psychology, celebrities, pop culture, and human interest topics.