A man is being ridiculed after revealing that his girlfriend does most of the cleaning around their house because he makes more money than she does and contributes more to their bills. In a Reddit post, he explained that he and his girlfriend have been living together for the past 8 months. While things have been going smoothly, she recently brought up an issue she has with her being the only one picking up the slack around their house.
Household chores are often a point of contention for couples, but one thing most people would agree with is that salary should have no bearing on who is tasked with more work when it comes to running a home. If two people live there, two people contribute; it’s as simple as that.
A man said his girlfriend does most of the household chores since he contributes more toward their rent.
In his Reddit post, the man wrote that he works at a very “prominent company” and makes more than his girlfriend does. When they moved, she left her former job due to a “toxic work environment” and was employed elsewhere. “She hated her job and ended up getting a new one that pays a lot less than her old one, and has asked me to take on the responsibility of paying most of the rent,” he shared, adding that he pays 60% of the rent while she pays 40%.
Since moving in together, his girlfriend has taken on most of the chores, and while he sometimes contributes by doing the dishes and laundry, she’s the main person cleaning at the end of the day. “She is the only one who cleans the bathroom, the kitchen, and the only one who sweeps, mops, and vacuums along with other random chores here and there.”
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He explained that recently, she asked him if he could vacuum the living room, but he told her he didn’t know where the vacuum was. Since that conversation, she has been pointing out that he needs to contribute more to the chores.
According to a 2020 Gallup Poll, more than 3,000 American heterosexual couples found that women handle the majority of the domestic workload, including doing the laundry, cleaning, and cooking. While that’s unsurprising if you’re a woman and you’re reading this, it’s also important to note that as long as that’s an agreed-upon division of labor, that’s perfectly okay. That clearly isn’t the case for this couple, however.
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Just because she earns less in salary does not mean she doesn’t work as hard as her boyfriend.
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Considering women are still earning less than men regardless of effort and skill, this boyfriend’s reasoning is completely flawed. She is working just as much as he is. They both have the same 24 hours in each day.
As one commenter noted, “She is looking for help. Literally. That’s it. Maybe the amount of cleaning she has done over the past 8 months has her BURNT OUT.” Another user added, “She works the same amount of hours as you, just because you pay more doesn’t mean you get to dip out of physically contributing to the upkeep or cleanliness of the home.”
“If you think paying a bit more rent means that she has to do all the housework, this relationship will not last,” a third user chimed in.
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He argued that since he pays more for their bills, he shouldn’t be responsible for the chores.
He admitted that since he makes more money and therefore has a larger percentage of the rent to pay, he shouldn’t bear the responsibility of keeping their apartment clean. However, since talking to his girlfriend, he’s started to do more of the dishes, doing them once a week instead of once every other week. “She now leaves cleaning tasks for me to do without telling me about them and then gets upset when they aren’t done. If she just asked me to clean those parts of the apartment then I would.”
In an interview with NBC News, Dr. Heather Z. Lyons, a licensed psychologist, couples counselor, and the owner of the Baltimore Therapy Group, explained that couples arguing about housework aren’t actually arguing about housework. “Through housework, we communicate levels of importance in the relationship, we show our partners that we recognize them, uphold or challenge gender roles, and connect,” Lyons said.
The man explained that his girlfriend will get upset with him about the things that need to get done and will end up doing them herself since she feels she shouldn’t have to say what needs to be cleaned for him to do it. “I’m also tired from working when I get home and I just want to relax or finish my work. She works the same amount of hours as me, but her job is much less demanding than mine so she is less drained by the end of the day.”
Who really wants to clean the toilet after a hard day at work? Does this boyfriend think his girlfriend actually wants to wash the dishes after cooking dinner so he can relax? This couple, especially this boyfriend, doesn’t seem to value his girlfriend’s contributions, and that’s the bigger relationship issue here. It’s not, as Dr. Lyons said, actually about the chores themselves.
Why should the girlfriend have to give her boyfriend a list of chores if he can easily see that the laundry needs to be done or the sink is filled with dirty dishes? If he behaved the same way at his super-demanding job, chances are he’d be unemployed in under a week. This couple needs to communicate clearly about what each partner expects from the other. If they can’t do that or they can’t agree, it’s time to move on because, as it currently stands, resentment is already building, and things aren’t going to get better.
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Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
