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A mom shared the advice she was given when she was a young stay-at-home mom, which proved true 5 years later. She was initially offended when an older woman told her to never neglect her career, but looking back, she realized how valuable those words were.

Many women trust in their marriages enough to set their careers aside and become full-time stay-at-home moms, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately, not all marriages end with happily-ever-after, and if you suddenly have no money and a huge gap in your resume, starting over from scratch with kids who depend on you is anything but easy. 

A young stay-at-home mom was offended when an older woman told her not to neglect her career.

It’s not uncommon for mothers to forgo developing their careers to focus on their motherly responsibilities when their husbands’ income alone supports the family. The problem with this traditional family dynamic is that women risk how this decision may affect them later in life. 

Content creator Bekah Erkel reacted to a TikTok post by a stay-at-home mom defending the choice to take this path. Erkel, a mom of two, alluded to her own experience choosing the same path when her children were younger.   

Erkel shared how when she was around 26, she ran into a friend of her mom’s at a thrift store. After catching up, Erkel explained that she wasn’t working so she could be home to take care of her kids, which the woman reacted to with apprehension. “Just be really careful, you know, you don’t want to be in a situation where you’re reliant on someone,” the woman said, advising her to keep her resume and skill sets up to date.

Erkel explained how, at the time, she took the woman’s unsolicited advice as judgmental and offensive. Erkel promised her that she was happy in her relationship and wouldn’t need to worry because she was sure they’d be “married forever.” 

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Five years later, the mom’s marriage ended, just like the older woman warned might happen.

Erkel explained that by staying home with the kids, her husband was able to devote all his time to his career. When the marriage fell apart, she was left alone and picking up the pieces of her own life. 

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“I was so naive that, in my mind, we were just going to be happy forever. That was the only choice,” Erkel explained. “I never stopped and thought, ‘What happens if I decide that I want to be out of this relationship?’”

Because of Erkel’s blind trust in her marriage, she never questioned her decision, but as she grew unhappy, she realized she had left herself with no other options. She had no autonomy to support her kids and herself on her own, and once divorced, she had to go down a “really hard road” to find her independence again.

“What I wish that I could tell myself back then was… ‘Listen to the lady who’s a little bit older than you! Maybe she has some life experience that you don’t know yet,’” Erkel expressed.

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Women need to be aware of how much they risk by putting their careers on the back burner. 

Every marriage is different, but one thing a woman should always do is be aware of her choices and how they might affect her later in life. It’s never too late to enter the workforce, but the level of effort and knowledge that will be required to make up for resume gaps will make the process much more difficult and stressful. 

What’s worse, their careers are years behind their peers, but they also have to contend with what researchers describe as the motherhood penalty. In a nutshell, moms, especially single moms, are overlooked for leadership roles, are evaluated as less competent and less committed to their careers, receive lower salaries, and are denied advancement opportunities. This all stems from ideas that they are only working because they have to, not because they want to. The stigma is that they won’t put it in the same effort or hours.

Regardless of whether a marriage lasts, women should prioritize their own career paths, not only to be self-sufficient but also to have an identity outside their marriage. Much too often, women abandon their own endeavors to pour all their energy into their husbands’, only to find themselves lost and disconnected from themselves. 

Financial independence means women have options. What if a marriage becomes toxic and finances become a way to control and limit freedom? What if a catastrophic accident happens and your financial support is suddenly gone?

In the end, Erkel expressed her deep gratitude for having the opportunity to spend so much time with her kids, but she advised women to understand the risks they take when choosing to be stay-at-home moms. She encouraged them to always keep their careers in mind. 

“Whatever you do, do not give up your career entirely,” Erkel advised. “Because when you give up your ability to take care of yourself and your children, you are giving up the ability to have the choice to leave something that’s not serving you.” 

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Francesca Duarte is a writer based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, and spirituality topics.