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Crystal girlies, we are vindicated! (Maybe.) A new scientific study has found that chimpanzees are basically “woo woo” spiritual girlies who are super into crystals, suggesting we’re probably hard-wired to like them too. 

Yep, you read that right: Chimps are crunchy, spirituality-obsessed devotees of the local crystal store who spend all their time scrolling “witchtok,” or they would be if they went shopping and had phones, at least. Okay, I’m hyperbolizing a bit due to (full disclosure) my own bias towards open-mindedness when it comes to all things “woo.” 

But while the research doesn’t exactly prove that crystals do actually harbor spiritual power, it doesn’t exactly NOT prove it either. One thing that is for sure, though? Chimpanzees do NOT play around about crystals! 

A study found that chimpanzees are obsessed with crystals.

Crystals and stones have long been a part of so-called “New Age” or “woo” spirituality, and it’s often the part of it that is most readily eyerolled by those who are less spiritually inclined. A rock? With spiritual powers? Come on. 

What underpins this part of spirituality? Devotees say it’s all part of the physics concept, which states that the molecules of everything in the universe vibrate at certain frequencies. Crystals, spiritual types believe, have frequencies that can facilitate healing, clarity, and spiritual enlightenment.

You can probably guess what the scientific community has to say about this, and it’s similar to what it has to say about pretty much all spiritual concepts: Yeah, right! That sentiment seems to have been part of the motivation behind a fascinating new study from Spain led by Dr. Juan Manuel García-Ruiz, a crystallographer at Donostia International Physics Center in San Sebastian, which sought to understand why so many of us humans are so drawn to crystals, and have been for as long as we’ve existed.

“Some colleagues say, ‘We have to tell people that this is completely ridiculous,’” Dr. García-Ruiz told The New York Times. “But for me, what’s important is to tell people why [people believe in them].” And chimpanzees may just have provided the answer.

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When scientists gave chimps crystals, they cherished them and refused to give them back. 

Solarselle77 | pixabay | Canva Pro

Dr. García-Ruiz and his colleagues conducted two experiments; the first placed a regular piece of sandstone and a foot-tall multifaceted quartz crystal on a platform in the midst of their habitat at a chimp rescue in Madrid. The researchers cleverly named this experiment “The Monolith” after the mysterious reality-shifting monolith in “2001: A Space Odyssey.”

The chimps couldn’t have cared less about the sandstone, but they went, well, ape for the crystal, visiting it regularly until the alpha female at the rescue finally wrenched it off its pedestal. From then on, the chimps never let the crystal out of their possession, even carrying it with them as they climbed trees.

Another group of chimps took the crystal and essentially hoarded it in their sleeping quarters, where humans can’t go. In order to continue the experiment, the scientists had to undergo extensive negotiations, bartering huge amounts of bananas and yogurt to persuade the chimps to give the crystal back. Several other crystals were never retrieved at all. These chimps were not monkeying around with these crystals!

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The chimps were also immediately able to differentiate tiny crystals from other pebbles.

Carla_Manneh | pixabay | Canva Pro

In a second experiment, Dr. García-Ruiz and his researchers placed piles of pebbles in the chimps’ gardens, into which they mixed a few small crystals. The chimps not only immediately sorted all the crystals out from the pebbles, but they also began intently examining them, holding them up to the lights to see how they sparkle and shine.

And they became just as possessive of them as they had of “The Monolith.” They slept with them, carried them in their mouths, and squirrelled several of them away so well that the scientists have never found most of them.

So what’s going on here? The scientists have proposed, based on their observations and data, that the chimps were attracted to the transparency and shape of the crystals. But Dr. García-Ruiz noted that the chimps also seemed to be experiencing “something beyond curiosity.”

Humans have used crystals for tens of thousands of years.

Can Dr. García-Ruiz’s chimps shed light on why the “crystal girlies” and woo-woo practitioners among us are so into crystals? Other scientists who spoke to The Times said the study doesn’t prove there’s anything more to it than the chimps simply thinking they’re pretty.

For his part, Dr. García-Ruiz seems to think there is more to it, however. He told the Times he theorizes that, as “the only Euclidean object in nature,” he believes crystals may have aided humans in learning abstract thought and developing geometry. Perhaps the chimps are having similar enlightenments via their cherished quartzes!

pixelshot | Canva Pro

Whatever the case, humans’ draw to crystals is more than a passing spiritual fad. Archaeological digs have found quartz and other crystals at prehistoric sites that suggest humans and our evolutionary ancestors have been gathering crystals for as much as 700,000 years. And now, they weren’t using them for tools or decor. Scientists have yet to find any evidence that they used crystals for anything useful at all.

Dr. García-Ruiz agrees that more research is needed to get to the bottom of this question. But if you’re even a little bit of the “woo” persuasion (me, I’m talking about me), it’s hard not to consider how much more sensitive animals’ instincts are and hence suspect that these chimps are actually little spiritual gurus who are going to start practicing crystal-healing Reiki on each other or something.

As a non-scientist with no requirement to be skeptical, this is the conclusion I choose to draw, and I look forward to following our chimpanzee overlords on the path to spiritual enlightenment. See you at the crystal shop!

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John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.