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Playtime can be some of the most important, formative times for a child. Yet, one mom said she didn’t see the point in participating. Instead, she let her children play independently and said it has made her life better.

But should playing with your kids really be an all-or-nothing decision? Why can’t there be a happy middle ground where kids and parents respect each other’s personal time while also engaging in fun together because they want to? It’s a good thing that this mom’s kids play independently, but that doesn’t mean she should never play with them either. From infancy to the teenage years, experts all say the same thing: parents who play with their kids help them cognitively, emotionally, and socially. Giving that up completely doesn’t exactly seem like the right call.

One mom never played with her children and is happy she didn’t.

KC Davis is a licensed professional counselor and mother. She shared in a video that she does not play with her children but finds other ways to spend quality time with them.

“The reason I have children who are 4 and 6 that let me sleep in on a Saturday because they’ll just go play, the reason I can go and read a book while they play, that they’re able to play independently, is because I just said no to them every single time they asked me to play with them for years,” she said. “And eventually, they stopped asking, and just went off and played.”

Davis clarified her point. “I’m not saying don’t spend time with your kids. I’m not saying don’t be playful with your kids. I’m not saying don’t connect with them. Okay?” she said. “I am saying that I established a culture in my house that adults do not play with toys. Adults do not pretend play.”

Davis explained that she finds other ways to spend time with her children that she feels are more enjoyable and appropriate for her. “I bake with my kids. I do art with my kids. I go on walks with my kids. I go to the museum with my kids,” she stated.

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The mom decided to help other parents follow her method and explained how she did it. She insisted that it wasn’t easy.

“Nobody tells you that the way that you get there is by saying no. A lot,” she said. “And they’re sad about it. And they’re mad about it … And you feel like you’re the worst parent in the world for saying no to them and hurting their feelings.”

Despite the difficulty in telling her children no, Davis found a way to do it. She explained, “It started with me saying, ‘No thanks, sweetheart. I just want to watch you play.’ And being there in the room with them, and watching them play.” Over time, Davis was able to distance herself from her kids’ playtime, and they stopped asking her to play. She couldn’t be prouder of where they’re at now.

“They are happy and creative, and they have parents who are loving and responsive, and they are secure enough to just go play and be kids,” she said happily.

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There is evidence that it’s important to play with your children.

Despite Davis’ thoughts on the subject and her professional credentials, research doesn’t back up her thoughts on playtime.

Johns Hopkins Medicine examined the importance of playing with your children. They stated, “Studies have shown that parents who play with their baby can help promote their cognitive development, and as they get older, the children will do better with language and math skills. Play also helps promote physical development.”

Play is an important part of life for any child, and it’s equally important that their parents be there. This is something that fellow parents who commented on Davis’ video seemed to agree with.

“I had a mom who didn’t play,” one person said. “She spent time [with] us only in ways she enjoyed or found relevant as you mention here. We don’t talk now that I’m an adult.”

“This is actually so sad,” someone else simply stated. 

While there may be benefits for parents not to engage in play with their children, the opposite is certainly true for kids. They need that time spent playing for development and fun. That doesn’t mean that parents can’t expect their kids to play independently so they can sleep in on the weekends, but committing to not playing with your kids doesn’t seem like the solution.

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Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers family, self-help, and human interest topics.