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An entire day had slipped by unnoticed, without a cake or greetings from her family on her 33rd birthday. Her husband was too busy with work to even remember it was her birthday. Starting at 5 a.m., she had taken her feverish three-year-old child to hospital before returning home in the afternoon to cook and clean, every movement sluggish due to her complete physical and mental exhaustion.

Her husband was not entirely unaware of her plight: On several occasions he had woken up around 5 a.m. to find her still awake with their sick child. He would want to help, but had to leave early for work. Moreover, whenever the child fell ill, it would cling to her, crying to be taken in her arms. Every time, Ngoc forced herself up once more to hold her child close, her eyes sunken from another sleepless night.

This was not an isolated occasion. For months, Ngoc had been living through endless nights of insomnia, leaving her body sluggish, her heart racing, and a persistent restlessness taking hold. Ngoc later visited Mai Huong Daytime Psychiatric Hospital, where doctors diagnosed her with chronic stress syndrome and prolonged sleep disorders, clear warning signs of eroded mental health.

Hien, 35, of Hoan Kiem, Hanoi, has always managed the household alone, even when sick. One morning, feeling ill, Hien checked her temperature. The thermometer showed 38.4 degrees Celsius, but she quickly hid it in a drawer, knowing that, if she stopped, everything in the house would grind to a halt.

“Remember to eat and take your medicine,” her husband reminded her briefly before leaving early for work. Ironically, she had no one to cook a meal for her and she would have to do it herself.

Hien then dragged herself back to the endless chores awaiting her. In the kitchen, a pot of porridge boiled over, the washing machine chimed to signal a finished load, and her six-year-old son urged her to hurry so that he would not be late for school.

Over time, she realized she was the only person in her family who tracked pediatric appointments, managed medications, organized birthday gifts, and took care of sick family members. Not once did anyone ask how many hours she slept, or even if she was feeling tired.

Unable to cope with the daily pressure, she gradually withdrew into herself. Late at night, when her family was sleeping soundly, she would lie awake staring at the ceiling, her mind constantly racing through financial anxieties, family health concerns, and the unrelenting demands of the next day.

“I feel like a machine,” she told Dr. Tran Thi Hong Thu, former deputy director of Mai Huong Daytime Psychiatric Hospital. “Whenever anyone needs me, I must be there. But when I am exhausted, I have no one to lean on.”

Months of chronic sleep deprivation followed, leaving Hien constantly irritable. She was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, caused by prolonged stress and burnout.

Thu says societal expectations often glorify devoted wives, framing them as “superwomen” who must balance full-time careers, childcare, marriage, domestic chores, and filial duty to both families.

“Behind that seemingly extraordinary image lies a reality that receives little recognition: they are human beings with physical and emotional limits who require understanding and care,” Thu says.

Globally, women spend 2.5 times more hours on unpaid care work daily than men, according to the International Labour Organization.

Without proper support, this endless caregiving steadily erodes the mental health of women who internalize harmful beliefs: that they cannot be tired, must handle everything alone, and stopping would cause everything to collapse.

Left unaddressed, what starts as physical fatigue, insomnia, and irritability can quickly escalate into prolonged psychological overload. This often leads to severe emotional numbness, social withdrawal, and a complete loss of self beyond the roles of wife and mother.

Research from the World Health Organization and the American Psychological Association confirms that prolonged caregiver stress carries severe physical and psychological consequences beyond the emotional toll.

Left unmanaged, these issues manifest as chronic fatigue, sleep disruption, tension headaches, muscle pain, focus loss, eating disorders, and digestive issues like irritable bowel syndrome.

The danger intensifies when workplace pressure compounds domestic demands. This double burden pushes women into full-scale burnout, triggering clinical depression, anxiety disorders, and severe insomnia that require medical intervention.

Dr. Bui Pham Minh Man of the University Medical Center Ho Chi Minh City defines burnout as severe physical and emotional exhaustion driven by unmanaged chronic stress.

Under constant strain, an overloaded gut-brain axis can impair concentration, trigger emotional outbursts, and cause digestive problems such as appetite loss and compulsive overeating.

Because many wives tend to hide their fatigue, they allow burnout to advance unchecked, delaying vital medical care, Man says.

Breaking this cycle requires solutions that are multi-faceted.

First and foremost, it is important for wives to communicate the details of everyday tasks so that family members understand the true toll daily chores take. For example, taking a child to the hospital is not just about driving to the clinic. It involves recognizing early symptoms, finding a suitable clinic, booking appointments, rearranging personal work, preparing documents, driving, remembering medication schedules, and tracking follow-up visits.

Second, household management should be shared between family members, who must take full responsibility for their assigned work. For example, if husbands are in charge of their children’s extra classes, they need to keep track of class schedules, pay fees, communicate with teachers, and arrange drop-offs instead of depending on their wives’ reminders. Even young children can contribute by taking charge of age-appropriate tasks such as cleaning up toys and folding clothes.

Third, many women need to let go of perfectionism and openly communicate about their needs, feelings of overload, and a clear division of responsibility. Asking for support is a necessity, not a weakness.

Fourth, it is also important for many wives to learn how to take care of themselves. Taking even 30 minutes a day for personal things, whether to rest, exercise, read, or just have solitude, serves as essential emotional maintenance rather than self-indulgence.

Last but not least, women should seek immediate professional care when persistent exhaustion, insomnia, or emotional numbness continue to impair daily life. After all, mental health is just as critical as physical health, and deserves the same proper and timely medical care.