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A wife turned to Reddit looking for advice after her husband called her selfish for refusing to enroll their 4-year-old daughter in soccer because it would involve waking up early on Saturdays. Not only does this mom have two little kids, but she’s 5 months pregnant and works as a kindergarten teacher. She also happens to suffer from narcolepsy. Basically, she’s tired and she doesn’t want to give up the little free time she has for an activity she doesn’t think her daughter will even realize she’s missing out on.

If you have kids and they’re enrolled in competitive sports, you know how time-consuming it can be. On the weekends, expect nothing less than a mad dash to practices and games, with snack obligations and complaints from kids who would likely rather be parked in front of a bowl of cereal and in their PJs. That’s exactly what this mom is trying to avoid, but the rest of her family thinks she should do it anyway.

A wife said her husband called her selfish because she doesn’t want to enroll their daughter in weekend soccer.

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The mom wasn’t even offended that her husband called her selfish. In fact, she wore it like a badge of honor. She wrote, “Saturday is the one day in my week where there are no set plans and I like it that way. Why do I need to ruin the one day I get to choose what I want to do, just so my 4 year old who probably won’t know what she is missing can go play a sport she probably isn’t ready to play anyway.” This all sounds reasonable, right?

So, to recap: she is pregnant, has two kids, teaches kindergarten, and has narcolepsy. “Point blank,” she wrote, “I’m just tired and don’t want to so I can’t even say it’s not selfish but we are [allowed] to be selfish on some things and I feel justified because I’m at my personal capacity. My husband won’t even be able to help with every game because he sometimes works weekend so no I’m not interested in putting my kids in sports right now because I will likely flake on those days he works.”

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The wife said her husband and his parents think she should make this sacrifice for her daughter, even though it won’t be easy.

Unfortunately, as logical as this woman’s reasons are for putting her foot down, not everyone is on board. “My husband’s reasoning is he wants her to be athletic and mostly that she will make friends and have fun socializing.” These are also good points, but as she wisely pointed out, “I’d rather help her socialize through play dates not a weekly commitment to be on a team.”

It would be one thing if Dad could drive his daughter every week, but we know that’s not possible, and we also know that the odds of that happening are slim. Okay, maybe that wasn’t fair, but this whole scenario doesn’t exactly seem fair to this mom. To add insult to injury, she added, “My in laws have made it clear they agree that it would be good for her and I’m being unfair.”

To play devil’s advocate, her husband and in-laws are right to some degree. Getting involved in sports can be great for kids. Paul Caccamo, a Harvard-educated executive director of Up2Us, a national coalition of community sports programs that teaches young athletes life lessons, told Youth Sports Psychology, “Sports are more than a game; they are a set of life lessons. Kids growing up without them are really disadvantaged.” He added, “Kids who participate in sports attend school more, are more community and civic minded, get in less trouble, and tend to be more successful in the workplace.”

One commenter solved her problem for her in the simplest way possible: “If your husband or in laws think it’s that important, they can take her. I’m sure she’d have fun and it’d help her learn instruction and structured play, which is great! But she’ll be better off having a mom who’s as rested as possible with two small children and a pregnancy.” She went on to say, “I have two under three and just being pregnant with one toddler was like living in zombie mode for 9 months. Can’t imagine another one in the mix. Take care of yourself so that you can give your babies the best version of you.”

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The wife shared in an update that she enrolled her daughter in soccer because her in-laws said they would help.

Rob Hainer | Shutterstock

Maybe that commenter’s advice got through because the mom updated her post to share that, “my daughter has been enrolled in soccer. Believe it or not I actually have a very supportive village including my in laws and husband.” And it also sounds like she set some boundaries to ensure she doesn’t get saddled with the bulk of the Saturday obligations. She wrote, “Maybe I’m selfish but it is because I know of if I burnout I will not be a good mother, teacher, wife, or person lol. Everyone needs rest and time for themselves. If that makes me selfish then oh well I’m unashamedly selfish. I love my children more than anything in the world. But I have needs too and they need to understand others have needs too. It’s a good thing to say no sometimes.”

What this mom doesn’t realize is that by being “selfish,” she’s also teaching her kids, especially her daughter, that self-care is important. To show up as your best self, you have to prioritize your own needs sometimes. That’s a lesson that many moms and women in general struggle with. She’s leading by example, and that’s a gift in and of itself.

Skincare and wellness pioneer, Dr. Howard Murad, wrote, “I’ve long advocated for the importance of self-care in achieving overall health and happiness. Beyond the notion of skincare routines and spa days lies a fundamental principle that mothers and caregivers would do well to model for their children — the practice of self-care as a cornerstone of well-being.”

He added, “Ultimately, self-care is not about pampering oneself; it’s about recognizing and honoring our own needs, nurturing our bodies, minds, and spirits, and cultivating habits that promote vitality and resilience. It’s about setting boundaries, prioritizing rest, and nourishing ourselves from the inside out. And perhaps most importantly, it’s about teaching our children that their worth is not contingent upon their productivity or achievements, but rather on their ability to love and care for themselves unconditionally.”

Maybe everyone gets to win in this scenario as long as this wife’s village keeps up their end of the bargain. As she said, “I am giving this a try and will continue letting her do soccer if she likes it and if it works for the whole family.” 

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Matt Machado is a writer studying journalism at the University of Central Florida. He covers relationships, psychology, celebrities, pop culture, and human interest topics.