'Stop right now, thank you very much!' When I used to sing this line from the song, 'Stop' by the all-girl, neo-feminist group Spice Girls in the hoary '90s, I never imagined that some 25 years later, Posh Spice a.k.a. Victoria Beckham nee Adams would be echoing those very words while transforming into the stereotypical mother-in-law, a role often pinned on the matriarch in Indian families.
Our media is flooded with inheritance dramas - from the Oberois to a saas suing her bahu in the Sunjay Kapur saga, claiming that the 'evil' daughter-in-law is after her money and has brainwashed her son. The Beckham feud could have come straight out of an Indian corporate family saga paneer. Turns out, they're People Like Us.
Brooklyn Beckham, eldest child of David and Victoria Beckham, and his wife, Nicola Peltz, are reportedly very upset with Mummy and Daddy Beckham. While Brooklyn doesn't do much beyond posting videos of himself cooking, and previously cosplaying as a photographer, Nicola is the daughter of an American billionaire who famously has a $1 mn monthly allowance.
Over the last few months, though, we have learnt that there are no happy families in the world of the rich either. How? By the information that Brooklyn and his wife Nicola do not communicate with his parents. Why? No one knew. Until a couple of weeks back. We discovered that it's a case of 'Kyunki Posh Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi', after Brooklyn released a public statement explaining why his parents should only contact him through lawyers.
His public statement is full of pathos. He claims that his 'parents have been trying endlessly to ruin [his] relationship since before my wedding,' his mum didn't make Nicola's wedding dress till the last moment, his mother called him 'evil,' and 'my family told me that Nicola was 'not blood' and 'not family,'' his 'wife has been consistently disrespected by my family,' wasn't invited to family engagements, and Posh refused to support Nicola's campaign to save displaced dogs during the LA fires.
Even my cold heart was stirred while reading this.
David has since said that children make mistakes, Victoria has kept, well, mum. Meanwhile, Brooklyn has posted a reel of his spaghetti bolognaise. But he got the pasta shape wrong. Poor dear.
Most Indians will read the statement and wonder why Brooklyn's so upset. After all, this is kahaani ghar ghar ki. Par for the desi marriage course. Posh has a lot to learn from Indian mothers-in-law. They are far more subtle. They will serve their son the larger piece of fish. Cook only the food he prefers. Buy gifts for their son, but not their bahu. Set up a puja room in the son's bedroom, and every morning enter the son's bedroom at 6 am to pray. Offer to keep the bahu's jewellery in the locker and never give her the locker key. Definitely not include her in the will. Being an evil mum-in-law is an art form. After all, har saas bhi kabhi bahu thi, and one must do unto others as was done unto them.
Most Indian ma-ji's must be reading the news and empathising with Victoria. Because raja beta Brooklyn has been brainwashed by his evil wife and her calculating family. Although in this case, the motives aren't clear, because the Peltzes are far richer than the Beckhams. My heart breaks more for Nicola's family, who have a son-in-law who doesn't work, has no real skillset to speak of, and who had to sign a prenup.
As per Indian tradition, Victoria should ideally throw Nicola out of the house. But the problem is that it's Nicola's house that Brooklyn lives in. The only solution is to either win her over by starting a Beckham-Peltz Save the Dogs Campaign. Or swing the other way and go the whole hog and cut Brooklyn out of the will.
I, for one, am highly entertained, relieved that there's something to read other than the actions of the Orange Man in the High Castle, and enjoying the celebrity sequel to The Fall of the House of Windsor, which starred Harry and Meghan in Season 1.
Our media is flooded with inheritance dramas - from the Oberois to a saas suing her bahu in the Sunjay Kapur saga, claiming that the 'evil' daughter-in-law is after her money and has brainwashed her son. The Beckham feud could have come straight out of an Indian corporate family saga paneer. Turns out, they're People Like Us.
Brooklyn Beckham, eldest child of David and Victoria Beckham, and his wife, Nicola Peltz, are reportedly very upset with Mummy and Daddy Beckham. While Brooklyn doesn't do much beyond posting videos of himself cooking, and previously cosplaying as a photographer, Nicola is the daughter of an American billionaire who famously has a $1 mn monthly allowance.
Over the last few months, though, we have learnt that there are no happy families in the world of the rich either. How? By the information that Brooklyn and his wife Nicola do not communicate with his parents. Why? No one knew. Until a couple of weeks back. We discovered that it's a case of 'Kyunki Posh Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi', after Brooklyn released a public statement explaining why his parents should only contact him through lawyers.
His public statement is full of pathos. He claims that his 'parents have been trying endlessly to ruin [his] relationship since before my wedding,' his mum didn't make Nicola's wedding dress till the last moment, his mother called him 'evil,' and 'my family told me that Nicola was 'not blood' and 'not family,'' his 'wife has been consistently disrespected by my family,' wasn't invited to family engagements, and Posh refused to support Nicola's campaign to save displaced dogs during the LA fires.
Even my cold heart was stirred while reading this.
David has since said that children make mistakes, Victoria has kept, well, mum. Meanwhile, Brooklyn has posted a reel of his spaghetti bolognaise. But he got the pasta shape wrong. Poor dear.
Most Indians will read the statement and wonder why Brooklyn's so upset. After all, this is kahaani ghar ghar ki. Par for the desi marriage course. Posh has a lot to learn from Indian mothers-in-law. They are far more subtle. They will serve their son the larger piece of fish. Cook only the food he prefers. Buy gifts for their son, but not their bahu. Set up a puja room in the son's bedroom, and every morning enter the son's bedroom at 6 am to pray. Offer to keep the bahu's jewellery in the locker and never give her the locker key. Definitely not include her in the will. Being an evil mum-in-law is an art form. After all, har saas bhi kabhi bahu thi, and one must do unto others as was done unto them.
Most Indian ma-ji's must be reading the news and empathising with Victoria. Because raja beta Brooklyn has been brainwashed by his evil wife and her calculating family. Although in this case, the motives aren't clear, because the Peltzes are far richer than the Beckhams. My heart breaks more for Nicola's family, who have a son-in-law who doesn't work, has no real skillset to speak of, and who had to sign a prenup.
As per Indian tradition, Victoria should ideally throw Nicola out of the house. But the problem is that it's Nicola's house that Brooklyn lives in. The only solution is to either win her over by starting a Beckham-Peltz Save the Dogs Campaign. Or swing the other way and go the whole hog and cut Brooklyn out of the will.
I, for one, am highly entertained, relieved that there's something to read other than the actions of the Orange Man in the High Castle, and enjoying the celebrity sequel to The Fall of the House of Windsor, which starred Harry and Meghan in Season 1.
Rajyasree Sen
The writer runs the Delhi-NCR catering service, Food For Thought